My period started today. It's not due for another week and a half, but it has started today. Full scale cramps and all. I really wish the doctors would do some investigation into WHY this is happening instead of just telling me that if they slice out my uterus it will stop. I don't want to get spayed, I want to get healthy!
::Crawls off to get pain killers and go back to bed::

By the way, a reminder to anyone who wants to comment, you can drop a line over at the LJ. Just put it in any other reply zone and add the header "the Den (date)" in the subject line.
Ow, ouch, ow damn it.

FUCK! It must be going to rain soon; my right knee hurts like a sonofabitch. Time to take major painkillers and try to sleep it off. Thank gods I got paid & the cash is in the account for more painkillers!

I miss him. He's so sweet and so considerate and I'm so nothing he wants.
I want the thyroid disease to go away now and take this excess 55 lbs with it. I want to be fit and energetic and well off again. I'm tired of this bullshit exhaustion and working my ass off to barely survive. This sucks, and I deserve better, damn it all! I deserve success!

Grr

Now my system won't let me respond to messages on PMM. I don't bloody know what's wrong with it. Wish I still had Sissa Ravenwolfie's phone # but that was among the e-mails that got eaten because some dumb chick forgot to put the number into her cell phone. :: chirp Chirp ::

I'm having a midlife crisis now.

It's official.

So, Prosser? Screw you, I didn't have it when I was 23 and I'm going to live to be at least 74, so there.

Pardon me while I contemplate getting something pierced.

What's the point?

Why do I stress myself out catching criminals when our justice system lets them go? Why do I want to go for the whole law abiding citizen thing? I spent hours waiting for court, dressed up and all, went through three pair of hose to get one without a run, arranged transport for myself and another witness just so we could have the lawyers look at the little skank in her pink tracksuit and bleached blond greasy hair and let her walk. She's got new shoes, new clothes, and friends with cars. I've got jeans I bought on deep discount sale over a year ago, a bus pass and a pair of shoes that hurt my feet to wear. What's the point of following the rules again?

Fuck it. The next time that bitch sets foot on my turf I'm going vigilante on her.

Headache is still with me. Is it so much to ask to want to be loved and to love that person reciprocally? Reciprocity. That's what I am seeking. Loving, honest, reciprocity.

Have I mentioned that kids with whistles really fucking annoy me when I have a headache?

So my head is still pounding like a sonofabitch and I am foolishly agreeing to take on more responsibility. Why do I do this to myself? Right, because I follow the path of Bast. Mother and protector. That's me. The fairy cat-mother. Meow.
For some reason I just want to claw the shit out of someone right now.

*growls & stomps*
What the hell is up with people who can't get a clue? Do I have to say "I order you to take your break at exactly twenty five minutes to the hour"? I thought saying "Take your break in about ten minutes" was good enough, but apparently someone decided it was not, and that they had to wait for me to radio them. "That's why we have you." was the comment I got. Radioing them would have been far easier had that same someone kept their radio turned up loud enough to hear, since I had to find them in person to pass on the message the first time, and had them paged for the second break as they again had their radio turned down. Next time the radio isn't turned up, this person will just not get their breaks, or any calls to do anything. Your radio is a very important tool in this line of work, and as I said to the person in question when their response was "I was busy," "At least say 'Stand-by' so I know you're not dead in a ditch somewhere!" That was the point at which the person admitted to having their radio turned down again.
ARGH!
That plus annoying girls who shoplift and then say "But I've never done that!" made today a really annoying day for only being a five hour shift. To boot, I got stuck waiting an extra hour for the bus since Big ML decided to tell me the boss has his sights set on getting me fired. Good luck on that one, bub. Fire me and I'll sue you for gender discrimination! Oh, and for creating a toxic workplace. The boy obviously does not know who he is fucking with here. Thou shalt not piss off the witch.

All together now:
AUGH!
This was a demented day and tomorrow ain't looking much better. Somehow have to get 120$ worth of items on 90$.
Fuckaduck.
I want a new life now please?

My right leg is in agony. The knee is out of place and sore, and I think the nerve in my hip is pinched. Fucking ouch, this hurts!
I'm lonely and horny and sore and poor. I want a fulfilling and stimulating job, a wonderful husband, and a house in a nice sunny spot, with a cool breeze in summer and a sheltered path in winter. I want my cats and myself to be cared for, loved and safe. I want a man who brings me comfort and stability, not worries and distress. I want to be happy and at peace with the world.
Right now, though, more than anything, I want to sleep as contentedly as I did when EJ was safe in my arms and I could protect him and feel he was properly attended to.

Just for reference if you want to leave a comment, pop onto my lj and drop a line, or e-mail them to me. If you don't know the e-addy, or where my LJ is, then hey, poor you. You suck and that's sad.

So, yeah, I'm thinking things have to change here soon. I have to get out of the city or out of the province since I'm going out of my mind. Too many people around here are living on anti-depressants. Too many people are resorting to booze and drugs to solve things, which solves nothing. The class difference in this province is sickening, and it is far more noticeable in this city. I shouldn't have to take three Celexa tablets every day just to keep the urge to smash my head open with a maul under control. It seems odd to me that so many people I know have thyroid issues in this province and how many have depression issues. Is it something in the water? (We won't even get into the subject of the great Harbour Clean Up" scam. The only ones 'cleaning up' are the politicians pocketing the funds allocated to making our water back into water instead of toxic sludge and sewage.) I have always felt like I wasn't meant for this drudgery, but I've been pounding my head against this wall for so long it's hard to believe there is anything other than the wall. You mean the universe doesn't consist of blood stained bricks where you are? ML once dared to tell me I couldn't handle Toronto. Hah, if I can handle living in this place for this long, I can handle whatever Toronto has to dish out. Toronto, BC, New York, bring it on! If this shitehole hasn't broken me, do your worst, I'll get by. Fuck, I lived with a Troll for three years, and he's actually one of the lesser evils of my exes. I'm an Ogress, and I'm a survivor. I'm getting out of here by hook or by crook.

MY HEAD HURTS!
I miss feeling at home somewhere, feeling safe and comfortable. EJ put it right. This place is full of resentful, angry people who steal and hate and I don't want to be here any longer but I can't evac without help. Wolfville wasn't like this. The valley wasn't like this, or if it was I never saw it. I want peace and love and joy in my life agan. A friend is pretty much offering me her boyfriend so I can be happy and move to BC. More and more I think it's not a bad idea. Even if it only works out long enough to get me and the herd out there, into a new job and a house that I can buy him out of with my BC cop wages, I want to get away from here. It hurts us, it does.

Hmph. Lousy rain. I missed my bus and it's pouring buckets and none of my friends were available for transport so I am home, headachey, sleepy and about to go back to bed.
Phooey.

Okay. Dusted out the fans on the puter and she isn't quite and grumbly. Still can't get linked up for a D2 IP game. Grr.

The Animal Rescue Site - Thank You!

Go there. Help the furries. Remember, critters are people too!

Okay, so the games are on, the patches are done, and the frickin' game still acts as if I have no RAM whatsoever. Does this mean my vidcard is cooked? Shouldn't that affect Diablo2 as well?
AUGH!

Bloody hell. I reinstalled Undrentide & NWN once I found both, moved all the charries over and it shows the games and will load them and all but it just can't keep up. I get stuck in a freeze frame as soon as I go in. With any luck the updates will fix this but if they don't I'll be a very cranky girl.
I'm kinda cranky as it is, but that's because Auntie Flo is supposed to pay a visit soon and I don't know how long or how heavy this one will be, so I'm somewhat nervous about it. My stomach is growly and I'm sort of hungry but I want to get the weight off so tummy will just have to shut up and endure.

By the way, the time stamp on this thing is FIVE hours off from time in the really real world here. If I reset it, it hides the post until the "time" it thinks it was posted.
Stupid clocks.

There. All alphabetized. A-O on the top shelf, (AC/DC to Ozzy) and P-Z on the lower shelf. (Pearl Jam to Rob Zombie.)

And in case anyone was prepping to get offended, by "God" I mean whatever god/goddess/base of spiritual grounding you believe in. Let's just say "Faith."

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, praise God.
Difficult moments, seek God.
Quiet moments, worship God.
Painful moments, trust God.
Every moment, thank God.
Pass this message to seven people except you and me.
You will receive a miracle tomorrow (Have faith, and just do it!)

Ogre's Den
I'm insane, certifiable. The doc says the meds I'm on are supposed to get RID of obsessive compulsive thoughts -- so why, then, am I suddenly compelled to alphabetize my CD's like I had them before the old collection was stolen? I haven't bothered since then, but now I really want to.

Ogre's Den

One wonders just how well this is going to work since first entry didn't show up yet...

Well well! A new Blog for da ogre!
Hmm.
Rawr!
*hugs all the friendses*